I do not have to be compromising.
I do not have to be empathetic.
I do not have to be understanding of how you feel, in the midst of a personal hurt/experience of mine.
Nor does ANYONE ELSE.
This NOT a rant. This is something called the truth, that a lot of people will find hard to face.
Let’s talk about intentions – tricky little things they can be. People always have the best of intentions, but the fundamental truth is that even when you set out with the best intentions, understand that you can make the wrong decision and cause impact. Your words, and especially your actions, can have unintended effects on other people. It’s important to acknowledge those “unintended” effects – even though you truly meant well, and too many people in life refuse to.
So here’s the point, short and sweet for whoever this may apply: Humans are some of the most complex creatures on the planet, no one in their right mind would expect perfection of another individual. BUT ACKNOWLEDGE THE HURTS YOU CAUSE OTHER PEOPLE.
Whether or not you intended that impact, it happened.
I am not speaking as a victim of being constantly dismissed in my feelings, though it is a truth for me that I’m ironing out – I’m speaking as someone tired of seeing good people drive themselves nuts over unaddressed hurt. You are not crazy. You are not always in the wrong. You do not always have to accept the blame for situations that other’s may have initiated.
I’m speaking to the kids/young adults who have frustrating relationships with their parents, I know what it feels like when they refuse to be accountable for anything they may have done to you in your younger years. It does NOT make you a bad child to bring up any incidents that you may still be harboring feelings over, nor does it make you a bad parent to be willing to listen. It may have been an oversight, something you didn’t even realize you did. But you can still be mindful of how your good intention had a negative impact. I got weary of being told I am ungrateful or disrespectful for being honest about the way something may have made me feel, parents make mistakes.
You would be amazed at just how much a simple apology can do for someone.
I’m speaking to young women, I’m specifically speaking to angry young women. I know the headaches that come after you have lost control. You know the moment, when you don’t even recognize the person you’ve become. When you can’t stop the shouting, or the tears or the urge to make them hurt the way they made you hurt. When your mind is telling you ” F I G H T ” , and pride won’t let you let it go. I have been there.
“SAVE ME, O God; for the are come in unto my soul.
I sink deep in mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me. I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God.
They that hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of mine head: they that would destroy me, being mine enemies wrongfully, are mighty: then I restored that which I took not away.” PSALMS 69: 1-4. KJV.
My heart has finally stopped pounding. It’s so difficult to say something so profound to me, to a blank screen… all the while knowing that you’ll read this and judge me in one way or another. My words will effect you, in one way or another, and I am ALSO responsible for that.
I hope that this reaches someone, even if it’s just that one who feels like no one else could possibly get this – I get it. And I hope that if you do happen to read this, consider the way that you regard people’s feelings. Even if it doesn’t seem major to you, it might mean the world to them.
Stay real y’all, continue striving to be happy. It’s worth it, and I know that it will work out for you in one way or another.